Protecting Your Child Even from the Relatives – Part 1

Recently I received a phone call from a desperate mom. She told me that her daughter’s grades had dropped drastically and she was no longer communicating with them. The mother decided to make an appointment with the school and she wanted to know from me what the procedure would be.

I always believe in instilling hope in a person when their walls seem to be caving in, so, after answering questions about the school, I said that I believed the daughter was avoiding communicating with them because she didn’t want to hurt their feelings. To me this is monumental. If the child is still on your side, then the task of reaching that child is so much easier. The mom confirmed that her daughter had said something to that affect. I replied, “That’s great! It shows your daughter still loves you!”

Now, the girl had shared with me about a week prior that she was stressed by the grandparents who were visiting. I asked the mom if her daughter’s behavior had changed more during the past week or so. She said it had. I then explained that she had told me how the grandparents had been favoring her younger brother and that she also didn’t like how the grandmother treated her mom.

The mother understood that her daughter might have felt rejected by the grandparents. However, I could sense that she didn’t realize how much it hurt her daughter to see her mom being ill treated too. I used the example of an abusive marriage to explain how her daughter must feel. I described a marriage where the child knew that the father sometimes beat the mother and even if he never hit the child, the child would still be wounded emotionally. It’s important for us as moms to realize that how we allow other people to treat us affects our children.

Another thing I suggested to help the daughter with her emotions was that she should keep a journal and write down her feelings on a daily basis. In this way, she won’t be burying her feelings, but she’ll be able to process them more constructively. I mentioned to the mom that one day her daughter will leave home and if she has unresolved issues then she will carry that baggage with her into her marriage and future family.