A Healthy Self-Esteem and Self-Image

A Healthy Self-Esteem and Self-Image

By Christina Morley

I have four children; three are adults and one is an adolescent. Being a parent, I have endeavored to give each child encouragement and praise as often as needed. In other words, I have tried to build up their self-esteem. I want them to be confident individuals and not inclined to compare themselves to others.

Let me give you an example of a healthy self-esteem. When my youngest daughter, Amanda, was around 9 years old, I drove her to a friend’s birthday party. The mom and daughter met us as we were walking up to the house. The friend was excited to see Amanda and exclaimed to her mother, “This is Amanda! She’s the smartest kid in our class!” Amanda quickly responded, “One of the three smartest.” By amending her friend’s statement, Amanda was putting her ability into perspective while accepting the praise.

Having a good self-esteem is not the same as having a big ego. Kids are prone to thinking too highly of themselves when they can do no wrong in their parents’ eyes. Unfortunately, some parents are not only guilty of raising narcissistic children, but also guilty of teaching their kids to hate others. These kids later become adults who think the world revolves around them and their egos.

One way to combat egocentricity is to be sober-minded by not thinking too highly of yourself. It’s about being sensible or pragmatic. It’s about knowing your strengths and weaknesses and being aware that you aren’t a god. If you are sober-minded, you will know that you need God in your life and that apart from God, you can do nothing with lasting success. You will also not be rigid or dogmatic in your beliefs. You will be of the shared belief that we all see through a glass dimly.

Another way to combat egocentricity is to practice kindness and generosity. Instead of focusing on yourself, focus on others. We all go through times when we focus on ourselves and get so wrapped up in our own problems that we become stressed, anxious, or depressed. By shifting our focus and taking note of others (paying attention to their needs), we can figure out ways that we can get practically involved. Helping others has a profound ability to improve our emotional and physical well-being!

A good self-esteem means that you feel positive about yourself without any grandiose ideas. A good self-image is similar. It’s being able to see yourself in a favorable light and to believe that others do to. How much time is wasted worrying about what people think of you? American jokesmith Olin Miller once stated, “You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.” That puts it into perspective!

When I was in the 8th grade, our school had a dance. The dress code for the girls was a cocktail dress or something similar. My mom took me to one store and I had to find my dress there. I can’t remember what her reason was, but it certainly limited my options. I found one dress that suited me and it was a hideous mustard-yellow. I didn’t want to feel embarrassed the entire time, so I decided to own that dress. I went to the dance with my head held high and a big smile on my face. I wasn’t going to let others dictate how I felt about myself. If anyone wanted to make a rude comment about the color, I was prepared to tell them that I agreed with them, but surprisingly, kids complimented me on my dress!

People with a good self-image don’t try to be someone they aren’t. They don’t want to be someone else either! They are happy in their own skin doing their best with the personality, skills, and talent that are uniquely theirs.

My kids - from youngest to oldest (left to right):
Amanda, Samantha, Jessica, and Jeremiah

Christina Morley is the author of Happy Moms, Happy Homes. She’s also a blogger, volunteer reader at the Blind Institute, and ministers alongside her husband at a Christian drug and alcohol rehab.

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Measuring Up – 1

Jessica walking Amanda to school.

As I was working on my last post “Some Things Take Time,” I began to ponder these next two posts on measuring up. It’s such an important topic that I took my time writing this, wanting to make sure that I communicate it as clearly as possible.

Does Your Child Measure Up?

Most of us have seen charts that measure a child’s developmental stages from infant to toddler. These charts help us as parents to know when our baby should be rolling over, sitting up on his or her own, crawling and the like. We need to be informed, because we spend more time with our children than the medical professionals do and we might notice something out of the ordinary that they never saw.

It’s important that our children get the professional care that they need, but that is not what these posts are about. They are about addressing the kind that parents do with one healthy, normal kid against another. Pride, not the interest of the child, drives this kind of comparing.

Let me use a short scenario. Dad takes his son Jimmy at age 2 ½ to his very first day at playgroup. While there, Dad meets the father of another boy named Johnny who he finds out is the same age and has a birthday in the same month as Jimmy. Both dads are standing proudly by watching their boys at play. The boys run up to their dads, telling them excitedly about something they had been playing. Johnny is speaking in full sentences, but Jimmy is not yet able to. Up until that moment, Jimmy’s dad had thought his son was a bright spark, but now he begins to wonder.

What would you say to Jimmy’s dad? I’d love to hear from you, but I might not respond to comments on this post as there is more that I want to say on this topic in “Measuring Up – Part 2.”

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Eye Color Conversation

Jeremiah with his little sister, Amanda

Recently, Amanda was sitting on the couch with her brother and they were having a conversation. She looked at him and said, “I didn’t know your eyes are green.”

Her brother answered, “Everyone in our family has green eyes.”

Amanda then opened her eyes wide and replied, “I can’t see my eyes!”

How important is eye color to you? I can still remember hearing the missionary story of Amy Carmichael from my childhood days at Sunday school. When Amy was a young girl, she used to pray and ask God to give her blue eyes. She loved her brother’s blue eyes and was sad that she had brown ones. Amy had great child-like faith, but when God didn’t answer her prayers, she was deeply disappointed.

It was only many years later, as a missionary to India, that Amy understood God’s wisdom in creating her with brown eyes. A white lady with blue eyes would have stood out as different. She didn’t want her physical appearance to be a hindrance in reaching the Indians, so she chose to dress like them and look like them, sometimes even dying her skin with tea to make it darker.

Another reason why it was important for her to blend in was that she was doing a dangerous job. She had discovered that young girls were being sold into temple prostitution and she began “stealing” them to safety. Under Amy’s care many young women’s lives were transformed.

I would like to leave you with a quote by Amy Carmichael.

"One can give without loving, but one cannot love without giving."

Another post related to this that you might like to read from me is from my blog, Happy Moms, Happy Homes: "Discovering Your Potential - Part 2."

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