Nicknames

My brother and I, Western Cape, South Africa

Do you have a nickname? Do you use nicknames in your home?

I associated nicknames from family members as a form of endearment, but I grew up in a home where nicknames were not really used. On a few occasions I wished I had one, other than Tina, which is short for Christina. When I was a teenager, my brother called me Peanut Brittle. He did this for a couple of weeks.

For me, hearing a cute nickname from him was a big deal. When we lived under the same roof, my brother was hardly ever civil toward me (this is litotes – an understatement). I knew that I should never tell him that I liked it, but I’m an encourager. One day, against my better judgment, I bubbled over and told him it was a neat nickname. Well, I never heard it again, at least not while we lived in the same house.

Christina, Western Cape, South Africa

It’s funny how things work out, because I married an only child whose mother had several nicknames for her son. This was hard for me, as I felt that he was dearer than I, but now I know that she didn't intend it that way. My husband carries on the tradition and makes up names for lots of things. When Jeremiah was a baby and had a stinky diaper, my husband called it a pongo. Two of his nicknames for Amanda have been Amanda the Panda and Tookie Bear.

Do you use nicknames in your home, and if so, do they have a special meaning behind them? I'd love to hear from you! Please leave a comment and I will reply.

My husband and brother enjoying a simple picnic after touring some of the 
wine estates, Western Cape, South Africa. I took this awesome photo.

Please check out my photography blog 1camera1mom where I give tips on editing photos and making great memories.

P.S. My brother and I were reconciled years ago.

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Protecting Your Child Even from the Relatives – Part 2

Once, when I was about six years old, my family went to stay with my great-grandmother. I don’t know if that was my first time meeting her, but I do know that it was my last time. While we were there, my older brother constantly pointed out my faults, real ones and made up ones. I tried to defend myself verbally and loudly. This was not a good mix for an elderly woman.

My great-grandmother didn’t know how to handle the sibling rivalry, so she sided with my brother. I was told that I would not be permitted to take meals at the table with the others. My mom put up a fight about that, so I was finally permitted, but only on the condition that I would not speak one word. Later, she took my brother to the grocery store and let him pick out chocolates for himself.

At one point, my mom decided that enough was enough. She cut our stay short, but still, the damage had been done. Later on in my life, my great-grandmother asked me to visit her. I felt too vulnerable to accept the offer and, instead, kindly declined as a visit was not something I felt safe enough to do. I kept contact by sending a few birthday cards over the years.

Healthy relationships in a family are a vital part of your child’s life. If your child is being mistreated by a member of the family, then it is up to you to bring a stop to it. It’s our job as parents to protect our children when relationships develop that are not healthy. You might think it’s your job to protect the abuser, because the abuser is also a family member, but you are not helping the abuser by allowing his or her behavior to continue. I once heard Dr. Dobson, from Focus on the Family, say that if the parents can’t stop a sibling from mistreating the other sibling, they are obligated then to seek outside help and intervention.

I’m glad to say that my family loves each other and my brother and I are friends. Hopefully, if you are estranged from a relative, reconciliation can take place. It’s better than separation, but sometimes, separation is necessary. I would like to leave you with these wise words by Reinhold Niebuhr:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”

Related posts:

• Blessed to Have You in Our Life
• Finding Balance - Part 1 of 3

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Listen to Your Child

I’m sure that we’ve all heard how important it is to listen to our children. Usually it’s in light of the fact that they will eventually become teenagers and the teen years can be challenging. So, if you haven’t been listening when they were small then they won’t talk to you when they’re big. It’s a good message, but not quite the angle I’m taking today.

I’ve already done a couple of posts on the value of listening to your child and I’m sure I’ll be writing more in the future. This time I’m going to share from my own mistakes with Amanda, specifically on two different occasions. Both times I thought she was just exaggerating. The job of a mom can be tedious and so it’s easy to want to brush off complaints made by one’s child as being no big deal. Both times I was slow to respond to Amanda’s complaints and both times it was a big deal. My bad.

The first time happened in 2010. I was dressing Amanda and as I was pulling on her pants, she began to protest loudly. I was thinking, what could possibly be the problem? So, I told her to settle down, because I had to dress her. This was me being slow to respond. When she didn’t calm down, I took her pants off in frustration. Something fell to the floor, but it took some investigating to actually find out what it was. It turned out to be a bumble bee. The strange thing is that it had never made a sound. I called my husband for help and we got it out the window. I was shocked to find six stings on her leg and I immediately applied sting ointment. I later googled it and discovered that bumble bees, unlike honey bees, can sting more than once.

At this point, you might be wondering how it got there. I also wondered the same thing. We hang all our washing outside to dry unless it’s raining. We live in South Africa and electricity is very expensive here, so washing lines are standard at most homes. It had to have gotten trapped inside her pant leg when we brought the washing in off the line the night before and since it never made a sound, I never knew it was there.

The second time I was slow to respond to Amanda happened just a few days ago. We went for a short, fifteen minute walk with the dog and were about six minutes away from our house when she complained that her shoes were hurting her. To protect her feet from thorns and such, we make sure she has something on her feet. It was a warm day, so she wasn’t wearing socks. I figured we were almost home, so she could endure a little bit more. She didn’t say anything after that, so I thought I had made the right decision. I forgot that little people have very fragile skin. Once we were home, I was shocked to find that her skin had chafed open at her one heel and the other one was quite red. Again, my bad.

I hope that you can learn from my mistakes and be quicker to respond to your child when he or she complains about something. Yah, I know, kids do a lot of complaining. It’s part of growing up. But, the thing is, they might be complaining for the right reasons. Life is full of interruptions. Allow yourself to be interrupted. Your kid is more important than the flow of the day.

P.S. She liked picking out her Disney Princess Band-Aids. Ariel was the winner.

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