My Husband is a Martian – Part 2

In honor of our recent 17th anniversary, I’m doing a series on personality types, learning styles and culture and how this has been a challenge for us in our communication. I hope by sharing from our experiences and from what we've learned (and are still learning) that your relationships will grow and flourish.

We used to have a really hard time understanding each other. Of course, he thought I was the problem and I thought he was the problem. On my previous post, I introduced the DISC Model of Human Behavior. Today I’m going to continue on personality types using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and how our results match our DISC Model results.

When I was a teenager, I took my first Myers-Briggs Test. Later in married life, I think I took it three more times. Every time I got a slight variation on the results. My husband knows that variations can occur, but the “inspector” that he is, he questions why mine do! Funny thing is, though, my husband also has a slight variation on his results. It just goes to show that you can’t put people in neat little boxes.

Here’s a quick look at the 16 types developed by Myers-Briggs, typically referred to by an abbreviation of four letters. These stand for:

• Extraversion (E) vs. Introversion (I)
• Sensing (S) vs. iNtuition (N)
• Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)
• Judgment (J) vs. Perception (P)

A MBTI type will be a combination of four of these letters, one from each group.

For example, my test results have shown me to be either ENTP, ESTP or ENFP. Some key words for my first two types are: hearty, frank, decisive, blunt, results-oriented and confident. On the DISC Model, these characteristics fall under D for Dominance. Some key words for my third one are: outgoing, friendly, fun, enthusiastic, talkative and persuasive. If you’ve read my previous post, then you can easily see how these characteristics fall under I for Influence. Since I am a blend of D and I, it makes sense that I scored the way I did. Looking at one of my types, the ENFP type, I want a lot of affirmation from others and I readily give appreciation and support, which is very true of me.

My husband’s results have shown him to be either INTJ or ISTJ. Some key words for these two types are: serious, orderly, logical, thorough, analyzing, principled, critical, theoretical and hair-splitting (that’s probably why he has no hair on the top of his head… he split them all!). On the DISC Model, these characteristics fall under C for Cautious. He is a blend of C and S, but his S wasn’t strong enough to feature in his MBTI test results. Looking at one of my husband’s types, the INTJ type, he has a high standard of competence and performance for himself and others, which is very true of him.

I recommend you try taking this free online Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) test. Even if you’ve taken it before, you might want to try again and see if your results are the same or not.

On my next post, I’m going to share about our learning style preferences and how it relates to these personality types. These styles explain how you learn best. If you are using a learning style, which has been imposed on you and doesn’t fit you, then you can be hindered from becoming all you are meant to be. You should be able to identify your own preferences and possibly those of your loved ones.

Here is part 1 in case you missed it at My Husband is a Martian - Part 1.

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My Husband is a Martian – Part 1

In honor of our recent 17th anniversary, I’m doing a series on personality types, learning styles and culture and how this has been a challenge for us in our communication. I hope by sharing from our experiences and from what we've learned (and are still learning) that your relationships will grow and flourish.

The truth is I’m married to a Martian. At times, I was convinced that God must have a made a mistake when He put the two of us together. For one, I’m a verbal communicator, processing while I speak. There would be times when the things I said to my Martian husband were misunderstood and then, just like in a court of law, were used against me. I could say the exact same things to other people and get the response and understanding that I was expecting, but not with my Martian. In fact, he used to say that I was the only person on this planet who communicates like I do.

We were fortunate to discover that our differences were not that uncommon to mankind. One of the courses that we did together twice was very helpful in making sense of all the confusion, which was the DISC Model of Human Behavior. You can’t put people in boxes, but you can learn to understand them better.

The D stands for Dominant type people. The I stands for Inspiring type people. The S stands for Supportive type people. The C stands for Cautious type people.

From the courses we took and this free online test, we learned that I am a blend of I and D with my I style being slightly stronger. Some of my strengths are that I am enthusiastic, outgoing, personable, decisive and independent, while some of my weaknesses can be that I am excitable, reacting, talkative, harsh and dominating.

My husband is a blend of C and S with C being his dominant style. Some of his strengths are that he is thorough, orderly, serious, supportive and dependable, while some of his weaknesses can be that he is critical, indecisive, picky, dependent and slow.

As you can see, in many ways hubby and I are complete opposites. This means we often rub each other up the wrong way. In one area where we are similar is that we both tend to be task-oriented and not always enough people-oriented. If we are too task-oriented then we can push people aside, which is hurtful. Because of my husband’s culture, he has been good at reminding me to mind my manners when I’m with others. I’ll discuss our cultures in a later post.

Here is part 2 at My Husband is a Martian - Part 2.

Further resources:

• Wikipedia
• Changing Minds

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