Monday, May 28, 2012

Protecting Your Child Even from the Relatives – Part 2


Once, when I was about six years old, my family went to stay with my great-grandmother. I don’t know if that was my first time meeting her, but I do know that it was my last time. While we were there, my older brother constantly pointed out my faults, real ones and made up ones. I tried to defend myself verbally and loudly. This was not a good mix for an elderly woman.

My great-grandmother didn’t know how to handle the sibling rivalry, so she sided with my brother. I was told that I would not be permitted to take meals at the table with the others. My mom put up a fight about that, so I was finally permitted, but only on the condition that I would not speak one word. Later, she took my brother to the grocery store and let him pick out chocolates for himself.

At one point, my mom decided that enough was enough. She cut our stay short, but still, the damage had been done. Later on in my life, my great-grandmother asked me to visit her. I felt too vulnerable to accept the offer and, instead, kindly declined as a visit was not something I felt safe enough to do. I kept contact by sending a few birthday cards over the years.

Healthy relationships in a family are a vital part of your child’s life. If your child is being mistreated by a member of the family, then it is up to you to bring a stop to it. It’s our job as parents to protect our children when relationships develop that are not healthy. You might think it’s your job to protect the abuser, because the abuser is also a family member, but you are not helping the abuser by allowing his or her behavior to continue. I once heard Dr. Dobson, from Focus on the Family, say that if the parents can’t stop a sibling from mistreating the other sibling, they are obligated then to seek outside help and intervention.

I’m glad to say that my family loves each other and my brother and I are friends. Hopefully, if you are estranged from a relative, reconciliation can take place. It’s better than separation, but sometimes, separation is necessary. I would like to leave you with these wise words by Reinhold Niebuhr:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”

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10 comments:

  1. Hi, I completely understand where you are coming from and value your message of protecting your children, especially from those people who do not see how destructive their actions can be on innocent children. I am a teacher and a mother and I support your message.
    I am your newest member, please follow me back.http://puzzlemecomplete.blogspot.com/ Thanks.

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    1. Hi Jillian! Thank you for the support. A post like this one is never easy to write, but I felt that it was necessary, especially after I received the phone call from the distraught mother in Part 1.

      I am now following your blog.

      If you need a spiritual lift, then I'm sure you'll be blessed on my blog http://happymomshappyhomes.blogspot.com

      I also write about being unique (I've been reading your posts) and many other topics on that site.

      God bless,
      Tina

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  2. Thank you for posting this! I totally agree that you have to shield your children from negative influences even if those influences are family - it's never an easy thing to do, but sometimes a necessary one.

    www.thisgloriousday.com

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    1. I'm so glad you took the time to comment, because I checked out your blog and am now following you through GFC and liked your FB page.
      God bless!
      Tina

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  3. This hit the nail right on the nail for me. I always tell my family it's one thing to treat her to something and a completely different thing to spoil her/allow her to break rules we've set. It's so hard and sometimes I feel like the bad guy. You've got to do what you know is in the best interest of your child.

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    1. I'm glad it has encouraged you to know when you are making the right decisions for your child. If you give in to them all the time now, they will learn how to manipulate you as parents in the future. Oh, and they learn really fast! Tears usually work! :)

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  4. yikes. something happened with the link up...would you mind relinking your posts. they were great.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for letting me know on two of my blog sites. I hope the link-up worked out in the end and that you enjoyed the post that I decided to add the second time around. Hoping to link up again in the near future. God bless!

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  5. So true. We have to show our kids what healthy relationships are if we want them to have them.

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  6. Yes, that's right! I hope you have a fantastic SITS day!

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