Protecting Your Child Even from the Relatives – Part 2

Once, when I was about six years old, my family went to stay with my great-grandmother. I don’t know if that was my first time meeting her, but I do know that it was my last time. While we were there, my older brother constantly pointed out my faults, real ones and made up ones. I tried to defend myself verbally and loudly. This was not a good mix for an elderly woman.

My great-grandmother didn’t know how to handle the sibling rivalry, so she sided with my brother. I was told that I would not be permitted to take meals at the table with the others. My mom put up a fight about that, so I was finally permitted, but only on the condition that I would not speak one word. Later, she took my brother to the grocery store and let him pick out chocolates for himself.

At one point, my mom decided that enough was enough. She cut our stay short, but still, the damage had been done. Later on in my life, my great-grandmother asked me to visit her. I felt too vulnerable to accept the offer and, instead, kindly declined as a visit was not something I felt safe enough to do. I kept contact by sending a few birthday cards over the years.

Healthy relationships in a family are a vital part of your child’s life. If your child is being mistreated by a member of the family, then it is up to you to bring a stop to it. It’s our job as parents to protect our children when relationships develop that are not healthy. You might think it’s your job to protect the abuser, because the abuser is also a family member, but you are not helping the abuser by allowing his or her behavior to continue. I once heard Dr. Dobson, from Focus on the Family, say that if the parents can’t stop a sibling from mistreating the other sibling, they are obligated then to seek outside help and intervention.

I’m glad to say that my family loves each other and my brother and I are friends. Hopefully, if you are estranged from a relative, reconciliation can take place. It’s better than separation, but sometimes, separation is necessary. I would like to leave you with these wise words by Reinhold Niebuhr:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”

Related posts:

• Blessed to Have You in Our Life
• Finding Balance - Part 1 of 3

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Comment Box is Now Working!

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Earlier I mentioned that the comment box on this template was not working. My husband, Rob, has spent hours learning how to change codes to not only get the comment box working, but also to permanently enlarge the font size. He also changed the headings on the posts, but the headings still need some more work. We could have used another template altogether, but he and I both agreed that this one suited a blog about Amanda (at least while she’s still small). I hope you like what he’s done. I’d love to hear from you, so please send me a message in the comment box and give it a test run. Thanks!

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Protecting Your Child Even from the Relatives – Part 1

Recently I received a phone call from a desperate mom. She told me that her daughter’s grades had dropped drastically and she was no longer communicating with them. The mother decided to make an appointment with the school and she wanted to know from me what the procedure would be.

I always believe in instilling hope in a person when their walls seem to be caving in, so, after answering questions about the school, I said that I believed the daughter was avoiding communicating with them because she didn’t want to hurt their feelings. To me this is monumental. If the child is still on your side, then the task of reaching that child is so much easier. The mom confirmed that her daughter had said something to that affect. I replied, “That’s great! It shows your daughter still loves you!”

Now, the girl had shared with me about a week prior that she was stressed by the grandparents who were visiting. I asked the mom if her daughter’s behavior had changed more during the past week or so. She said it had. I then explained that she had told me how the grandparents had been favoring her younger brother and that she also didn’t like how the grandmother treated her mom.

The mother understood that her daughter might have felt rejected by the grandparents. However, I could sense that she didn’t realize how much it hurt her daughter to see her mom being ill treated too. I used the example of an abusive marriage to explain how her daughter must feel. I described a marriage where the child knew that the father sometimes beat the mother and even if he never hit the child, the child would still be wounded emotionally. It’s important for us as moms to realize that how we allow other people to treat us affects our children.

Another thing I suggested to help the daughter with her emotions was that she should keep a journal and write down her feelings on a daily basis. In this way, she won’t be burying her feelings, but she’ll be able to process them more constructively. I mentioned to the mom that one day her daughter will leave home and if she has unresolved issues then she will carry that baggage with her into her marriage and future family.

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Missing My Girl

I’m missing my girl today. Amanda is staying with her grandma at the beach until next week Tues. It’s a wonderful experience for her. Before she left, she said, “I can do anything I like with Nanna.” Her Nanna knows that she needs a few boundaries, but she’ll also get special attention just like Amanda said. Of course, I’m happy for her. Grandparents are very important in a child’s life. Her grandpa won’t be with them as he is overseeing the remodeling of a small country inn and restaurant that they once owned.

I took these pictures of Amanda with her grandma during Amanda’s third birthday party. It was a Hello Kitty party. The Hello Kitty doll was from her Nanna. I wrote a little about Amanda’s three grandmas on "Isn't She Lovely - 7" at 1camera1mom.

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Letter by Jessica

My eldest daughter had to write a funny letter for her 8th grade English class. She chose to write about an incident that happened between her and Amanda. This took place a while back, before Amanda was four. The picture of the two girls was taken around the same time.



Dear Jenny,


The most amusing thing happened yesterday! I was playing with my baby sister, Amanda. You haven’t met her yet, but believe me when I tell you she is the most adorable thing in the world. We were having a ton of fun when I told her that Sebastian is coming tomorrow.


She suddenly swung around and fixed me with her stunning green eyes. Then, with her naughty little smile and naughty little laugh she replied, “Sebastian is my boyfriend.” I looked intently back at her and with my haughty little smile and haughty little laugh, I giggled, “No, he’s my boyfriend!”


Her facial expression changed dramatically. With her nose and tongue in the air, she stormed away. Both her hands were clenched in fists. Who would’ve guessed that a thirteen-year-old could get in a fight with a three-year-old over a boy!


I hope you had a laugh.


Jessica

Just to clarify a few things in Jessica’s letter: Jenny is a fictitious person. The boyfriend is not, but he’s no longer her boyfriend. For the first two years of Amanda’s life she had very blue eyes. The kids say that her eyes have turned green like the rest of us. I sometimes think they are still more blue than green. You might like to read my post “Eye Color Conversation,” that happened between Amanda and her big brother.

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Happy Mother's Day!

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Wishing all the dear moms who are reading this a blessed and Happy Mother's Day. You all deserve to be celebrated!

Don't forget to pop over to my poetry blog Consider the Lilies where I have posted several of my Mother's Day poems for this occasion.

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Comment Box

Update: The Comment Box is now working.

Dear Friends,

This is a quick message just to say that I've heard from three people that they have not been able to post comments on this site. I'm very sorry about this. Since I don't build web pages, I might have to choose a new template for Amanda's Books and More. At the moment, I just don't have the time. Please be patient with me. I'd love to hear feedback, so you're welcome to find me on Twitter, Facebook (Amanda's Books and More Page) or Pinterest.

God bless!
Tina

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